Do I cross your mind?
Life has been busy in recent weeks. My daughter has had exams and I have been busy with work.
Last weekend was the first time we spent time together, I was so excited! I visualised a day of activities with my family. Christmas shopping, family lunch, putting up the decorations and ending the day with a Christmas movie….perrrfect! Right?!
My teenage daughter had other plans. Whilst we were out shopping, she made plans to spend the rest of the day with her friends.
Sound familiar?
“Dad can you drop me off to Sara’s house on the way home”?
Whoa whoa whoa, What just happened?!
Mind my emotions
I will be honest, I felt rejected. I felt like she didn’t want to spend time with me! For a moment, I took it personally. “Why would she not want to spend time doing all the things I had planned”?
I remained quiet and withdrawn as my mind processed my emotions.
“It’s ok babe” my husband said as he wrapped his arms around me.
We dropped her off to her friends house on the way home.
I spent the rest of the day moping around and feeling sorry for myself.
Does this sound like you?
I kept asking myself
“Why wouldn’t she want to spend time with me”?
“Does she not find me fun anymore”?
“Does she prefer her friends to me”?
I was driving my mind crazy, when I suddenly realised that it was never about ME!
It wasn’t that she didn’t want to spend time with me. It wasn’t that she intentionally wanted to hurt my feelings, It wasn’t her preferring them over me.
“She just wanted to enjoy some of her day with her friends” – That’s it!!
When I allowed this fact to settle in, I felt so much better. Phew! I thought.
I accepted that my daughter had her own agenda and had made plans which I simply wasn’t aware of. Better communication next time, and this is coming from someone who always bangs on about communicating! LOL
So ladies and gents, this is life with a teenager!
Sometimes they want time with us and others, they don’t! Whilst this can be a bitter pill to swallow it is one prescribed to parents!
I gave my daughter the space to do what she wanted even though it did cause me some upset.
However, had I acted out and fought with her, it would have drawn her further away from me. Giving her space encourages her to come back to me and when she does, it is even sweeter than I visualise.
Takeaway
The takeaway is that we are allowed to feel rejected, upset and disheartened when we are rejected by our child. However, we need to be aware that these emotions are not coming from them, they are coming from us and our stories to ourselves.
They are individuals who find happiness in doing things which don’t necessarily involve us and that is OKAY!
Our end goal is for them to be happy, right?! So if we give them that space to be who they want to be, they will be happy! Furthermore, when they return to us, we are happier! So it is a win win.
Giving teenagers space without expectation or conditions builds a stronger relationship, wouldn’t you agree?
